


Tundra Sun

by sandboxdemons



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Animal Death, Crack, F/F, F/M, Saxophones, alternate universe - alaska, ke$ha - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 18:38:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6162864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandboxdemons/pseuds/sandboxdemons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hillary Clinton has it all -- a husband, a successful political career, and pretty bangin teeth. But she still yearns for something grander. Enter Sarah Palin, a tall brunette with a mysterious past. Will she be able to fill the hole in Hillary's heart, or is theirs a romance doomed to fail?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tundra Sun

Hillary Clinton woke up one morning. The sun was cold, and she hid from its judgmental rays. They said, “Hillary, you ignorant fuckwad. You’ll never be president. America hates you, and so do I. Also, Monica is prettier than you. I hate you.”

“Good morning to you, too, Mr. Sun!” she called back. Then she went to the kitchen.

“Good morning, Bill!” she hollered. Bill grunted. He preferred the simple things in life, like tractors. Saxophones. Cankles. Wig powder. He was a simple man, with simple pleasures. Presidency was not simple. He sometimes thought his wife was, though.

They didn’t talk much anymore.

Hillary walked out the door while humming the national anthem. It was her favorite song. Her second favorite song was Tik-Tok by Ke$ha. She wondered why Ke$ha hadn’t released any new music lately. What a bitch.

But that morning, she felt empty. Something was missing from her life, and it wasn’t her briefcase. That was in her hand. No, it was something bigger. The presidency, maybe? Her dignity? Whitening toothpaste? A lifetime subscription to Men’s Fitness? No. None of those things would fill the gaping maw that existed where her heart should be.

Suddenly, a woman ran into her. Hillary was disgusted. She hated women.

But then she saw her face.

“Hi there,” crooned the other woman in a sultry falsetto. “I’m Sarah Palin, and I think you’re pretty bangin.”

“Hbbhbabhh,” responded Hillary.

“I think it’s sexy when you use words,” said Sarah with her mouth.

Hillary could not believe that this brunette goddess thought she was sexy. Sarah’s eyes were like limpid pools, and Hillary was drowning.

“Stop running for president, my little sugar num num bear,” warbled Sarah. “Come back to Alaska with me. It’s cold there. We will cuddle for warmth.” Sarah smiled. She wasn’t a vampire, but Hillary totally would have let Sarah bite her.

Then she realized that she could let Sarah bite her. That was called a hickey. Hillary was hip with the lingo, dawg.

They got on a plane two hours later and lived happily ever after. Even though they were in Alaska. Hillary shot a moose though. It was baller.


End file.
